Christmas: Part 1

December 24th- Christmas Eve

In the spirit of our 2nd annual family tradition, Jesse and I invited my mom and brother over to our house for dinner and presents. Jesse's brother Michael joined us this year too. Each year, Jesse makes a fabulous Christmas dinner. This year, he made a ham, mashed potatoes, green beans, corn, crescent rolls, and gravy.

Afterwards, my brother read the story of the birth of Jesus. My dad did this for us as little kids, always putting the focus on Christmas on Jesus before the presents. So, we would read this story and say a prayer before anything else.

My mom got all things to prepare her for her first grandchild. She got a baby blanket with a giraffe on it (her favorite animal), a picture frame for her grandbaby, and a scrapbook for "Nana's Pride and Joy".






David got:

A guitar music book

A man ring

Movie Gift Card

Clothes

...and Dutch Bros. Gift Card

Jesse got a back-scratcher, Guitar Hero hat, Guitar Hero World Tour video game, and a BBQ Grill:


Michael got a sweatshirt for Christmas:
David got these plaque things for me and Jesse. Each symbolizes something about our love for each other:

I got a teddy bear that you can record on. My mom recorded a message for my baby telling it to grow big and healthy and that she can't wait to meet it. She wants me to play it next to my belly every night. I also got a Willow Tree figurine. I love these and already have a husband and wife together. Jesse got me a pregnant one. I love it! Then, my mom made a baby blanket for my baby. She plans on also making a pink one and being ready for whichever kind of baby we have. I got a few devotionals for mom's. I don't have pictures of the rest, but also got big pink fuzzy boots (just to wear as slippers), fuzzy pink socks, a picture frame for the first year of my baby's life, a sweater, a gift card for clothes, and some jewelry. I scored big time! AND, my mom set up an account to withdraw $50/month from her paycheck to save up for our baby. We can access this anytime we need to get something for our baby. In addition to the fund Jesse and I are setting up, we should have close to $3,000 saved for our baby by the time it is born!

1 Corinthians 13

(Paraphrased Christmas Version) Author Unknown
-----------------------------------------------------------
If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls but do not show love, I'm just another decorator.
If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not show love, I'm just another cook.
If I work in the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home and give all that I have to charity but do not show love, it profits me nothing.
If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of holiday parties and sing the choir's cantata, but do not focus on Christ, I have missed the point.
Love stops the cooking to hug the child.
Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the husband.
Love is kind, though harried and tired.
Love doesn't envy another's home that has coordinated Christmas China and linens.
Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way, but is thankful they are there to be in the way.
Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return, but rejoices in giving to those who can't.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
Video games will break, pearls will be lost, golf clubs will rust, but giving the gift of Love will endure.

Drama- Christmas-o-Rama!- and my Momma

(Written on Monday night)

Disclaimer: I do not write this to further family drama or to bash other people. I write this because I feel at a loss of how to respond to these people and feel overwhelmed with sorrow and anger for such an actions that displease God.

I wrote a while back about the divorce that my brother-in-law and his wife are going through. Then, on my other blog, I described some of the personal problems I was having with Kaela here and here. Since my last blog about it, not much has happened. Kaela hasn't really said any more to/about me or Jesse or our family members. However, things are still difficult between Michael and her. He tried to go to Idaho for Thanksgiving, but she wouldn't allow him to stay in the house with her and also told him that she needed money from him because she was broke. So, because he didn't have the money to pay for a hotel AND to send to her, he sent what he could and forfeited his holiday with his kids. He got here in the first couple weeks of November and has still not been able to see his kids. However, despite it being because of her that he couldn't make it, she has continued to attack him since then, not letting him forget that he missed out on the holiday with his family.

Now Michael is doing everything he can to try to make it there for Christmas. He loves his kids so much! He calls them almost every night and tells them that he loves them. And he cries any time he begins to talk about how much they mean to him. It's been over a month since he's been able to see them and I know that he really wanted to be there for Christmas with them, even though it meant spending the holiday with Kaela as well. He bought them presents and even got presents from Jesse and I and from his aunt and uncle to take with him. He was planning on leaving this Wednesday on the Greyhound bus. However, as the weather has gotten worse, he has been on the phone with the stations trying to make sure that he will be able to make it to Idaho. For those who don't know, all modes of transportation, including the airports, bus stations, and trains are closed/delayed because of feet of snow that has hit the northwest. Springfield is just wet right now. The snow we had last week has cleared out, but the big cities nearby, like Portland, Seattle, and Boise are snowed in. So, because the bus may not be able to make it to Idaho, Jesse and I offered his truck to Michael to drive. It needs one part on it fixed, but between that, tire chains, and gas, Michael should be able to get there cheaper than the bus ticket.

Today, however, Kaela called Michael upset about a bill that wasn't paid. From what I could tell in the conversation, Michael had paid it and had already worked it out with the company, but Kaela was upset because she had received a letter today saying it wasn't paid. He kept trying to explain it, but she wasn't listening. I could hear her yelling at him through the phone while I was walking around the house and Michael was in his room. He remained pretty calm through it all, just trying to make her understand. As they were discussing him coming this week, he told her that he wasn't sure about coming on the bus, but could come in the truck if he needs to, and he was explaining that he had been saving up money to be able to make it. Michael told me later, though, that she didn't want him to drive there because he might get stranded somewhere or might kill himself. She told him that he better not come at all if he was going to come in the truck. It wasn't really like she cared about his well-being, though, but more like she was trying to make up reasons to make it harder for him to come. She had told him in a previous conversation that she wasn't really ready to see him yet. I don't want to see Michael miss out on Christmas with his kids because she made it impossible for him to be there and then watch her turn it around on him and make him out to be the bad guy. I just feel awful for him. Chances are that the bus isn't going to even be able to make it to Boise, and, if it doesn't, then he can't drive the truck or she'll be mad. He could drive it and arrive without her knowing that that's how he made it, but then if she found out that he lied, things would be even worse. I tried to tell Michael that if he couldn't go this week, he could still go in a few weeks (if the weather is any better) and have Christmas with his kids then. Kaela had told him that he could come in February for their son's first birthday if he didn't come for Christmas. But there's no reason why he should have to wait until then. So, now he is really stuck and doesn't know what to do. He wants to see his kids, especially on Christmas, but he doesn't know how to get there at all, let alone without making things worse with her.

And then, to top it all off, after this happened, Kaela's mom, Krissy, posted this comment (I apologize for the inappropriate nature of it) on her myspace profile: “Krissy is thanking god the idiot returned to his village and got the hell out of the smart, honest peoples lives. And HE can take his dumbass relatives with him!!!”

When I read it, I decided that I didn't want her on my friend's list anymore. There's no reason for her to say something like that about Michael or his family. But just as I went to delete her off of my list, she deleted me. So, I guess the feeling was mutual.

Now, I just feel at a loss. More than the anger I feel towards Kaela and Krissy for acting like that, I feel sorry for Michael for having to be in the front line of it all. While he's more than welcome to be a part of my family's Christmas celebration, his heart is with his kids and I hate that he's missing out on that because of other people's selfishness and bitterness.

I guess I just need to spend some time in prayer. God is the only one who can change people's hearts and, also, change the weather. He can make everything work out exactly as it should.

I just need to get all of that off of my chest. Jesse told me that he thinks we just need to move on and forget about Kaela and her family as a part of our lives. He said that we've got a lot going on in our lives and a lot to be thankful about and we don't need the drama. I agree 100%, but I struggle because Michael can't do the same thing. And it's not so much that I am personally offended as much as my heart just goes out to him for being stuck in the middle of it.

Aside from that, on a great note, we are gearing up to celebrate the holiday. I love Christmas and everything the season brings, and I am excited to be able to spend this one knowing that we've received the greatest gift Jesse and I could ask for. We spent all of this last weekend doing last minute shopping. I am so excited about spoiling Jesse rotten. I can't say on here (for security reasons) what I got him yet. But he is getting way more than he expected and they are some really big gifts. I already got my big gift from him. He bought me a second wedding band (one for the top and one for the bottom). It's exactly what I wanted. Also, on all of the presents, I was able to sign, "From Jesse, Mandy, & Baby", which was really neat for me. The biggest update I have on the baby is that it is now developing its brain and digestive organs and facial features! It is right around 6 mm big. Also, where the little arms and legs budded last week, are now turning into flippers. I go in the morning to have my next blood test, which I'm really excited about. This number means so much. It should be over 1000 which will mean that our ultrasound will be ordered tomorrow! I can't wait for that! If it's less than 1000 then it could indicate that something is wrong, but I believe that God has big plans for this baby so I'm not worrying about it.

I only work tomorrow and then have 5 days off. Jesse works a half a day Wednesday and then has 4 more days off. We're excited about the time off and the holiday celebration during it. We've got 4 Christmas parties to attend this week and are hosting one of them at our house on Christmas Eve. Last night, we went to a Christmas choir concert in which my mom was supposed to sing a solo. However, she was going to sing it one night and another woman on the other night. The night my mom was supposed to sing, the concert got canceled because of the weather. So the director had both women sing it as a duet together last night. I was going to upload a video of it, but was having trouble. I'll try again later.

Week 4, Day 6

So, in an update to my last blog, I wanted to let everyone know that as of tomorrow I will be 5 weeks pregnant. This feels like a big step to me. There's so much that can happen in the next 7 weeks, but each week means we've made it a little longer.

I've experienced a lot of fear so far- afraid of losing my baby from the moment I found out I was pregnant. However, yesterday God began to calm my fears. I realized that He brought us to this point after more than a year of trying and all of the infertility tests. Just under 2 months ago, I felt God tell me that I needed to anticipate that He was about to work. And He did! So, why do I believe that He's not going to continue working? I can tell you, though, it feels like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I feel confident that everything is going to be okay, regardless of what happens.

So, having said that, I wanted to share a few new tidbits of information.

To start with, my first blood test came back at 50. To those who don't know, this is just a simple pregnancy test, detecting it the same way a home pregnancy test would, but this test can tell you the exact number of the pregnancy hormone in your body. These numbers double every other day. That's why if you took a home pregnancy test and it was negative and then took another one a few days later it could be positive. So, a level of anything over 5 is considered pregnant, and the most important thing is for the numbers to increase like they are supposed to. Having a 50 worried me at first because it seemed much lower than I expected and I feared it wouldn't increase like it was supposed to. However, after getting my 2nd blood test on the Wednesday the 17th, my number came back at 150. So it tripled in those 2 days. That's better than it should do! I now have to go back next Tuesday (the 23rd) and take another blood test. Once my number gets to be over 1000 then they will order the ultrasound. (You can't see anything on the ultrasound until the levels are at least that high.) According to my calculations, though, if the number doubles every other day, then it should be 1,200 at my next appointment. If it triples every other day like it did this time, then it should be 4,050! So, either way, we should get our ultrasound ordered by next week. I think that'll be the greatest moment for us. We'll be able to see the little sac where the baby is and the little spec that it is. We'll also be able to see its heart beating and probably hear it too! I am so excited! I can't wait!

As far as the development of the baby goes, I found out today that the baby's heart should begin beating today and circulating its blood around its body. Also, the vocal cords should be starting to form. I think that that's totally awesome!

Only 246 days to go...

Meanwhile, I started keeping a journal everyday of the things I experience and the development of the baby. I've also started looking more seriously into furniture and decor for the nursery and necessities for the baby. Jesse and I have been talking a lot about what to do for my work after the baby is born. I could easily keep my job working 8 hours a day and paying for childcare, but I don't want to miss out on that much of my baby's life. Meanwhile, we can't afford for me to quit my job completely. So it's a matter of figuring out how many hours I should work and how much time and money could go towards childcare. To just figure out our finances more and plan for the future, I did a very extensive budget today. It's spelled out for the next 3 months and then estimated for the following 9 months. It is my goal to set aside $75 a week towards everything baby. This will allow us to get the big ticket items like a crib or changing table or stroller and also set aside a cushion if I have to cutdown to less hours at work. By the time the baby is born, we could have more than $2, 125.00 saved up! Of course, things always come up, but I tried to budget out ways to save money towards not only the baby but also car maintanance, things for our house (like new furniture), and a backyard. I feel really good about having some kind of plan or foundation set, even if we don't follow it perfectly.

Well, my husband is about to pick me up for an evening with the family. I hope you guys have a great weekend, and I'll keep you updated when something new happens. :-)

Week 4, Day 3

For those who don't follow our infertility blog, we wanted to share the news with you that we are now pregnant!

After over a year of infertility, a number of diagnosis tests, and coming out with the diagnosis of "unexplained infertility", we got pregnant.

I just found out Saturday morning at about 6:30am. You can read about finding out and revealing the news to Jesse and my family on our other blog. The next day, after writing that, we told everyone at church. When I came in, my immediate family was the only ones who knew. My mom told me that she revealed the news to my aunt when my aunt picked her up for church. My mom brought her into the house and showed her the display I had set up. My aunt Ginger started jumping up and down and screaming, hugging my mom. From there, I revealed the news to the moms that I work in the nursery with. I sit weekly with the other moms, some of them pregnant, while watching the kids. And they all know a bit of what I have been going through in trying to conceive. I sat in there anticipating the best moment to share the news. They talked about the upcoming birth of one mom's child and potty-training and holidays. And then when there was a lull in the conversation, I admitted that I found out I was pregnant the day before. They were all so excited. They couldn't believe I had kept it quiet for so long. I told them I didn't want to just blurt it out. They said that it was the kind of thing I was SUPPOSED to just blurt out.

At the end of the service, Jesse came and got me to go up for prayer. When they asked what we needed prayer for, Jesse said, "Well, we would like prayer for the little baby that Mandy is now pregnant with." There were cheers and screams and applause all around the congregation. The elders were just glowing, one of them being Jesse's dad and the other two being men who love us dearly and have been praying for the best for us. They each lifted up our little baby for prayer, asking for safety and a healthy pregnancy and praising God for answering our prayer. It was overwhelming to me. I had felt so much fear about this pregnancy, worrying that I would lose it and be left devestated. We sang a song earlier in the service, though, that said, "Though we sow in tears, we'll reap in joy." I just began crying tears of thankfulness that God has taken our sorrow and turned it into joy. Each time that I fear miscarriage, I remember that I have to take it to God and entrust it in His hands.

After church, my family gathered together for a potluck. Not very many of them knew the news. So as each one came in the door, someone hinted about the display that was still up and everyone got surprised.

Truthfully, a bit part of my fear has been that I have witnessed so many other people face miscarriages, and then my temperature went down just a bit Sunday morning, enough to make me worry, and the first pregnancy test was so faint that I worried it may just go away. I just kept praying, though. So far, every night when Jesse and I go to bed, we lay our hands on my belly and lift up prayers of thanksgiving and petition for our baby. And, since then, I have experienced a lot of things that make me feel more secure in this pregnancy.

After Sunday, my temperatures went up again and today it was the highest it's ever been. Also, I've taken a pregnancy test everyday and they are still positive. Furthermore, when I woke up yesterday, I felt extremely nauseous. I still think it stems just from a headache that I'd had for a few hours, but it caused me to spend the first 6 hours of the morning throwing up. Jesse went to the store, in the snow and ice, to get me some tylenol and some crackers. He walked around smiling all day long. He said he was so happy, not that I was sick, but because of what my sickness meant. He's convinced it was full-out morning sickness. I suppose we'll just see how I continue to feel, but so far today I feel good.

Once I felt a bit better, Jesse and I made our way to the doctor's office. I had called earlier and they told me to come in at any point and get my blood drawn for my beta pregnancy test. This tests the amount of pregnancy hormone in my body and records how the baby is growing. So I went in and got stuck in the arm with a needle one more time. It hurt more than it previously had, but this time I knew that it was no longer for infertility testing but for the miracle of life we were experiencing! They said they would call with the results tomorrow and let me know when I need to come in and do it again. They will keep taking my blood levels until they reach 1000, at which they will order an ultrasound for me. I assume this will be in about 2 weeks since the nurse originally mentioned having me come in around 6 weeks pregnant and I know that the levels usually reach around 1000 at the same time. So, by January 1st, I should be able to see the first glimpse of our little baby growing. Six weeks, though, is quite a bit earlier than they normally do it. In fact, usually they do it around week 12 and you can hear the baby's heartbeat at that point. However, I believe the earlier ultrasound is to detect if we are pregnant with twins as I did take one round of fertility drugs resulting in this pregnancy. That's just my guess, though.

As far as the development goes, I found out that yesterday, according to the timeline, the baby's red blood cells should've been starting to develop. And today, it should be .02 inches long or 1.5-2.5 mm's. In other words, it should be around the size of a poppy seed. Our little Poppy Seed Peterson! The organs, eyes, arms, and legs should be just starting to form this week. The baby consists of 2 layers: the epiblast and the hypoblast, from which all of its organs and body parts will develop. Its cells are tunneling into the lining of my uterus, creating spaces for my blood to flow so that the developed placenta will be able to provide nutrients and oxygen to my growing baby when it starts to function at the end of this week. I also have the amniotic sac now, which will house my baby; the amniotic fluid, which will cushion it as it grows; and the yolk sac, which produces the baby's red blood cells and helps deliver nutrients to it until the placenta has developed and is ready to take over this duty. I think those kinds of things are neat to know as you witness how God is continuing to knit it together in my womb. It's awesome to know that even though my belly isn't growing yet and I don't have very many symptoms, that there is a miracle going on inside me.

I will share more each time something new develops. Only 249 days to go...!

LOTS of Pictures- Christmas is Coming!

I feel like it's taken me forever to upload these pictures. To quickly get up to speed, in my last post regarding my birthday, I mentioned that we were planning on having a super romantic date night the Saturday following on the 29th of November. As the day approached, though, we were having trouble coming up with romantic things to do that were different than what we've done before. So, instead, I opted for a super fun date day!

So, we started off going shopping for a few essential Christmas items to add to our decor. To me, it's fun picking out items that we will decorate our house with. Fortunately, Jesse and I have VERY similar taste in design and it's fun to find something we agree on that will bring character to our space. Furthermore, Christmas decor makes me feel as if I'm building up traditions for our future. These are things we can keep for years to come and add to each year.

From there, we went and saw the movie "Four Christmases". We had been anticipating it for weeks, laughing hysterically each time we saw the same previews. It was a little more serious than I thought, but we both enjoyed it very much.

Afterwards, we bought our tree and headed home to put everything all together.

In the middle of it all, we had to go out to pick some extra stuff up so we made the best of this opportunity by having lunch at my favorite restaurant: Chilis!

Then we headed home to finish everything up:

(The view from our front door: The living room, dining room, and kitchen)

( Our living room table centerpiece, a bowl full of ornaments)

(Our Christmas Tree. I don't think the pictures do it justice...)

(A close up of the tree. We had pink, green, silver, and black ornaments. Can you tell I'm not very traditional? The one odd ornament was given to us last year for our 1st Christmas together. We also have black ribbon and green beads wrapped around the tree along with white lights.)

(Last year we got 2 ornaments to represent our first Christmas together. I want to make a tradition of adding at least one new ornament to the tree each year to symbolize something about that year. The one on the left is just one for 2008. The one on the right is for buying our first house.)

(The tree all lit up at night.)

(The right of the couch, just to show you a more complete picture of our house.)

(We don't have any fireplace or shelves, so I used our shoji screen to hang our stockings and made a make-shift mantle.)

(Close up of the stockings. I made these by hand last Christmas.)

(The mistletoe hanging above our entry-way. When we walk in the door, I like to obliviously say, "Oh! Look where we are!" with my shoulders shrugged. He always laughs and then kisses me. )

:-)

(The view from the other end of the room, showcasing our dining room table, back of the couch and TV)

(The tree from the other side.)

(All lit up)

(The dining table centerpiece, with garland and nativity set.)

(I wanted a nativity set that was unique. While this one has more traditional looking figurines, I REALLY liked how each piece had a verse on it which told the story of Jesus' birth.

$18 at Wal-Mart! Can't beat that...)

(The garland on the dining room table, decorated with ornaments.)

(When I was in college, I was given this nativity set to decorate my campus apartment with. I love Veggietales!)

(Our front door and new wreath)

(After my fun birthday Saturday, Jesse and Michael spent the next day hanging lights on the house)

(The lights up. Without the flash)

(With the flash)

(The sign I made for our house, now all hung up)

In other news, on Friday December 5th, Jesse and I attended his work's Christmas party. For those who don't know, Jesse works in a shop that handles friction materials. Jesse, specifically, refurbishes huge brake bands for oil liners and other kinds of big rigs. A company will send them their old brake band and Jesse will fix it up as good as new and send it back. It's a small company, but the owners take great care of their employees. He gets good benefits and the company regularly has get-togethers where they spoil their employees. Last year, the Christmas party was held at the Elk's Lodge. They had an all-you-can-eat buffet of wonderful food, all catered. Then they have a gift bag for each employee. Names are randomly drawn and each employee can come up and grab a gift bag. Each bag contains an item that is a $50 value, including gift cards to Home Depot, Jerry's, Target, Wal-Mart, cash, or University or Oregon or Oregon State University sweaters. After that, each employee is given a number of raffle tickets which they can divide amongst some plain brown paper bags. Last year, these bags contained prizes that were $500 values, including gift cards to Home Depot, Jerry's, the spa, or resorts. The grand prize winner won a $1000 prize to either a resort or one of the home improvement stores. Last year, we won a $50 gift card to Chili's. Remember? It's my favorite!

This year, the party was held at the Hilton Hotel. We were on the top floor overlooking the city in this exquisite dining room. I felt awkward taking pictures, so I only got a couple of discrete ones.

(Here is the chandelier that hung above our table)

(And this is my plate of some of the best food I've ever eaten.)

I wish I had gotten more pictures but my nerves got the best of me. Being that Jesse works in a shop, most of his coworkers are dirty, vulgar, rough-around-the-edges guys who curse a lot, smoke like there's no tomorrow, and drink constantly. Not really the kind of people I normally hang out with. So, even though Jesse is friends with some of these guys, he arranged for us to sit with Jesse's boss and his wife, Jesse's supervisor and his wife, and another couple who happened to sit across from us last year. We were by far the youngest couple at the table, but I loved that every single person at our table was a Christian, and we shared stories of church and our ministries without a curse word or profane joke heard. We are SO blessed to have Jesse's boss as his employer. This man has a heart for God. Jesse can go into his office at any time and share something that he is going through. His boss listens and encourages him and they pray together. I'm sure it would be easy for Jesse to fall in line with the other guys he works with as he's lived that lifestyle before, but knowing that his boss is there to hold him accountable is such a joy!

Anyways, from there, they had the same gift bag game, but this year someone could steal your item like a white elephant gift exchange. So Jesse and I were hoping for any of the home improvement gift cards being that we are new homeowners. He started off, though, with a U of O jacket that he really liked. Someone stole that, though, and he ended up with a Jerry's gift card for $50. He was disappointed about losing his jacket, but glad to have the gift card.

This year, there were 8 grand prizes but all were only a $250 value. There was 1 Jerry's card, 1 Home Depot card, 1 spa gift certificate, 1 bed and breakfast gift certificate, and 2 envelopes of $250 cash. We didn't win at all. However, God blessed us more than I could ever imagine, when Jesse's boss leaned over and discretly gave us the $250 cash that he had just won! He hugged us both later and said that he loved us. He said that he knew we were going through some hard times and that he wanted us to know that God is good! I was in shock, overwhelmed by this man's love. It took everything I had in me to not cry. And when we left, we each hugged him tightly. This Christmas, I want to do something really special for him to let him know how much I appreciate his support for Jesse.

And, finally, although this happened before the party, the last thing I wanted to share is my little cousin Zoe's Christmas program. She is 5 years old and in pre-school at a local Christian school. I lived with her mom, my cousin Liz, and her children Jaydon and Zoe, for a year before Jesse and I got married. I helped raise these little kids while their mom worked swing shift as a single mom. I adore them! And when I moved out, Zoe missed me a lot. She says that I am her favorite person and she always wants to hang out with me and spend the night at my house.

(She is the one in the pink dress with the plaid skirt. I bought her the dress, shoes, and hair ribbon for her 5th birthday!)

And, this is us together after her program.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, huh?!