A whole new year

I haven't written on this blog in months. It was originally intended to be about mine and Jesse's life together, but when I got pregnant with Josiah, our whole life became about him. So, I wrote everything we were going through on my baby blog. Today, January 1st, 2010, spurred by observations and conversations with family members and friends, Jesse and I had an in-depth conversation about our relationships with God and our spiritual lives. And we decided to start spending more time in God's word and developing our relationships with Him. Being on who has always journaled my thoughts, I decided to write about my devotions on this blog and turn it into one about our spiritual lives. Everything about our day-to-day events will still be on my baby blog.


So, here we go: January 1, 2010


I sat in the car tonight with someone I dearly love as she poured out her heart and tears concerning an overwhelming frustration with her life. It seems that everything is in a state of disarray. Her hours and schedule at work seem unfair. The people who complain the loudest and most are the ones that are catered to, while the people who work the hardest have everything dumped on them to make up for the lack of work ethic amongst the rest. Her home is a source of oppression as her brother turns to alcohol to drown out his own troubles and points the fingers at everyone else in order to avoid his own short-comings. Her friendships seem lacking. Aside from her immediate family members, she doesn't have any friends that she could call up or go out to dinner with. Her son just came home for Christmas vacation after moving a few months ago to another state. His visit has been quite disappointing. The build-up of excitement about his arrival has been met with great disappointment as he seems to want to spend more time with his friends than he does with his family. Her church brings about feelings of frustration and disgust as we see the members walk the fence between a poised & pious facade and a worldly mindset along with actions that outwardly deny everything they say they believe. It feels like she's just going through the motions in her walk with God. The desire to read her Bible and spend time with her Lord isn't what it used to be. And while she feels that void, the motivation to change isn't strong enough to make anything different happen. In the midst of it all, she figures that if so many things are wrong in her life, it can't possibly be that they are really at fault, but that she must have the wrong attitude about it. So, she struggles with feelings of condemnation about her own selfishness and bad attitude towards life, while drowning in the overwhelming frustration of those very things. It's as if her mind and heart battle each other. Her heart screaming that it hurts while her head reasons that it shouldn't feel that way. It is with her on my mind that I read my devotional tonight.


The scripture refers to John 21:15, "After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter,“Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?" "Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.” “Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him."

At this point and time, Jesus had already been crucified and raised from the dead. This was his 3rd time Jesus had appeared to His disciples since His resurrection. The evening He was crucified, He prophesied that Peter would deny Him 3 times that very night. Sure enough, Peter went out and denied that he ever knew His Lord and friend.

My devotional reads, "Jesus has a wonderful way of restoring us when we fail Him! He does not humiliate us. He does not criticize us. He does not ask us to make a resolution to try harder. Rather, He takes us aside and asks us to reaffirm our love to Him."

This woman I referred to in my earlier conversation may be right in some of the ways she feels and may be wrong in others. God will show her if she's being selfish or has a bad attitude about her circumstances, but if she is, she doesn't have to make all of these resolutions to try to be better. She doesn't have to set out goals and prescribe a formula to make herself a better Christian or person. And she especially doesn't need to be down on herself, feeling condemned or like a failure. Instead, all God wants to know is if she loves Him. If she does, (and I know with all of my heart that she does) any mistakes she's made will mean nothing as God uses her in His purposes. In Scripture, King David was called by God "A man after My own heart". This wasn't because David was perfect. He was far from it. He lied. He committed adultery. He murdered. But he had a repentant heart that sought God and declared his love for his Savior first and foremost. God promises to work all things out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. You can stand on that promise.

So, my prayer is that when you read this, you find reconciliation in your own short-comings and know that God doesn't ask you to be perfect, but only asks you to love Him. He'll work everything else out.