When we got here, we joined the church that my mom had grown up in, where my aunt and grandma still attended. This is where I met Jesse. He was only 13 at the time and seemed different than me in every way possible. The youth group was really small, and it seemed that most of us were related to each other in some way. There was my brother, David, and myself. Then our two cousins, siblings: Ben and Sarah. Ben is only 2 months younger than David, and I am only 2 months younger than Sarah. Then there were brother and sister Ryan and Jenny who were also from Texas, but had moved years earlier. Their dad was our youth pastor. Then Jesse and his brother, Michael, rounded up the “Core 8”. There were other teens who joined our group sporadically, and many of them are still really close to us. It was just that during these first years, we were the eight who attended every event and did EVERYTHING together. Our youth group was unique in the fact that we all had a strong love for God and strived deeply to know Him more intimately. Unlike many youth groups, we were all best friends, in church and out. We hung out nearly every day of the week, and spent our times having Bible studies, prayer groups, going to movies together, tubing down the river, and going on retreats. Because of our faith in God, each of us desired to find a mate who shared our common faith. The basic rules of psychology state that the number 1 factor in attraction is proximity. You are more likely to like those who you see on a regular basis. The second rule of attraction is that you share a common interest as well. That left most of us searching within our schools and church. However, it’s not so easy to find those who share a common faith with in the public school system. So, our focus often turned to those within the small group, although being related to several of them narrowed your choices quite a bit.
Michael and I were only a few months apart, leaving us as the most likely to be together. Michael, in truth, had a crush on me for years. And, because he was my age, and always around, and believe the same as I did, I considered it a possibility. I even went on a date with him one time to the movies, and we attended Homecoming together as well. However, there was always something holding me back. I prayed a lot about it and just felt like he wasn’t the one God had for me. He agreed when I told him, but I think it was harder for him to shake the feelings.
I also tried pursuing a relationship with Ryan. He was just a few years older than me, and there was one summer that we spent crushing on each other. In the end, though, we still felt like God didn’t intend for us to be together.
Jesse was the only one left, but the age difference between us also amounted up to a big maturity difference. And our personalities were so different. I was really reserved and focused heavily on my academics, graduating with highest honors and going straight into college with hopes of obtaining my doctorate degree. Jesse just wanted to play football. He adored the game- the one sport that I simply cannot understand. He was also very loud and outgoing and just goofy. It was such a ridiculous concept for us to ever be together that we made jokes about it. One time I heard him singing really loud and off-key (on purpose) and I asked him if he would sing to me at our wedding. He responded in a repulsed manner and insisted that he would NEVER marry me. I told him that I was his elder and he had to obey me. He questioned, “What about the wife submitting to the husband?!” I told him that he had to obey me first and marry me and then I would submit. And thus began years worth of back-and-forth banter.
When I was 17 years old (just around the time that the infatuation with Ryan ended, the prayer about Michael was confirmed, and the jokes about Jesse began), it was prophesied over me that I would not have a boyfriend until I was 20 years old. Some people may struggle with this idea, and why God may tell me this. In truth, it didn’t make sense to me either, and it’s not something you want to hear at 17 years old when your greatest desire is to fall in love. But, in a sense, it gave me a peace about where I was in my life. I could seek God wholeheartedly without feeling like I needed to impress anyone. I could be real at school instead trying to catch the eye of some guy I would never end up being with.
During March of my sophomore year of college, when I was 20 years old- for those who may be keeping count- was when I very first began to think of Jesse as a potential mate. I remember attending a talent show at my school and then coming over to my brother’s house where a group of people were playing poker. I didn’t even know how to play and didn’t care to learn, so I spent my time texting the people who were right next to me, including Jesse. I asked him, in the midst of my texts, when we were going to get married. He responded saying something about getting married once he had finished college and was successful. While his response was not all that significant in itself, it signaled a change in our relationship because this was the first time he had not refuted my efforts to marry him. As I began to look around, I realized that Jesse was no longer the immature kid in the youth group that was so different than me. He was now in his senior year of high school and making plans to go off to college in the fall. I had seen him recently surrender many strongholds in his life to God and the thought occurred to me, “This is the kind of guy that I could follow, submitting to him as he submits to God.”
About a week later, Spring Break arrived. Since David, Michael, and Ben now occupied the house where I once lived (and since I could not stay in my campus apartment during the week-long break), I bunked with the boys for that week. This was Jesse’s Spring Break as well, so he spent a lot of time hanging out there too. This opened up the doors to be together a lot. I wasn’t sure then how much, if any, he might like me too, but it seemed that we were both making an effort to spend extra time together. We even had an official “date” where we went to the movies together. A lot of our conversations hinted around the idea of being together or getting married, like “If we were to get married, what characteristics about me would you like or not like?” And more and more our friendship began to grow and attraction increased.
There was one night that Michael and I stayed up really late watching a movie, talking, and coloring pictures. During this time, we both opened up about mistakes we had made in our past and how God had strengthened us through them. In the midst of it, I asked Michael if he still had feelings for me. Years had passed since the last time we ever talked about going out, but there was a sense of jealousy that I got from him because of how much time I was spending with Jesse. He said that there were feelings still there, but that he had been considering moving on. He said that there was even a girl at work that he was kinda interested in, but that he didn’t want to move on if it meant missing out on an opportunity to be with me. This was difficult, knowing that my feelings for Jesse were increasing each day, but I told Michael that I really didn’t believe God intended us to be together and that I didn’t want him to miss out on who God had for him because he was waiting for me. He agreed. During this time, I also admitted to Michael the feelings I was beginning to have for Jesse, and he said he would try to help things along.
On Wednesday, March 23, 2005, Sarah and I drove up to Salem to visit a friend. On the way home, Michael sent me a text message says, “I think I totally just hooked you up.” I grinned from ear to ear and my heart began to pound heavily, wondering if tonight was the night that things would become official. As it turns out, Michael had talked to Jesse about his feelings for me. He admitted liking me, but being kinda intimidated to pursue anything. Michael encouraged him to.
That night, after church, a bunch of people came over to watch movies. Jesse and I were sitting next to each other on the couch with our hands so close that they were touching, but neither of us would make the first move to actually grab the other person’s. Finally, during the midst of a classic fake-stretching move, I misunderstood his move believing that he was going to grab my hand, and so I interlocked my fingers with his- accidentally making the first move. This mistake marked the first day of us going out, although neither of us knew what to make of it at the time.
Our first picture together as a coupleAnd what about Michael? Eight days later, he began dating that girl from work. The two got married May 20, 2006 and they have two beautiful kids together now…
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